Standing in church yesterday and I began to recite the Lord’s Prayer silently. I was struck at “Thy Will be Done” and realised I have been operating in my will thus blocking opportunities that God has been placing in front of me.
One of the joys of being home is all the things that I am able to do that I have not been able to do in the past. Finding a hairdresser that I can keep has topped the list so far. I wrote about it here. (A quick update, my hairdresser is a little pricey. So I decided to shop around. After one appointment elsewhere I am going back to Frank because a girl can’t survive without a good cut).
Yesterday I bought a fuschia which I plan to train into a standard. It has been a dream of mine for years. It takes time and patience neither of which have been in great supply in my life. Fingers crossed it works out well.
Finding a church where you feel comfortable is also important. In the fourteen years since we left Melbourne we have attended numerous churches. Some have been great fits and we have enjoyed every moment. Others have been a test of our spirit and have taught me that there is a purpose in every place I am positioned. Sometimes it is simply to learn to be grateful for the times in the past where you did feel comfortable.
Our last church was a Lutheran church and the one we are attending here is non-denominational charismatic. It’s a big jump and I am allowing myself buckets of grace as I adapt. I am also trying to allow the church the grace to be different.
Allowing people or situations to be different is not something that I am necessarily good at. I’ve had quite a bit of practice – moving every few years from the age of four will give that to you. However, I am obviously a slow learner or very loyal to my past place of residence. I contrast. I compare. I mark every failing, Every time the new place falls short. I mourn.
I feel as if the mourning has lifted and I am now ready to bestow some grace upon Melbourne. To begin to look for the opportunities, to recognise them when they appear and to allow them past the invisible walls I surround myself with.
When I first arrived in Copenhagen, the situation was no different. Well perhaps a little different. I hadn’t wanted to move to Copenhagen at all. Yet I managed to find a place where I belonged among people I grew to love. I allowed myself to be drawn into the PTA – an organisation I thought I knew was not for me – and enjoyed being part of a vibrant group of women who put their many talents towards raising funds and creating community in their school. I learnt how to knit – an activity I had sworn form the age of 6 that I would never learn – and found myself knitting with friends. All those little stitches bound us closer. When I let my walls to come down, I allow opportunities for friendship and for growth. I find new and old aspects of myself and allow them to flourish.
So I am putting the stubborn child inside me to sleep. The foot stamping, the frowning, the tantrums that occur inside me will be no more. Well, perhaps not as frequent.
I know that I will read back upon these posts in the future and marvel that I ever felt this way. I would say that I can’t wait for that day but actually looking forward to how it will unfold. A good ending is not nearly as rewarding unless you know the twists and turns it took to get you there.