Not Knowing …

A Keukenhoff Daffodil standing tall.

I hate not knowing.  Especially at times like now.  When your standing at the end of one chapter about to step into the next.  I’ve been given some of the outline of what comes next.  I can see that it looks interesting.  I’m willing to read on.  However, could I just have a few extra little details before I get going.  That would be nice.

This is how I approach every new chapter in my life.  While I may look cool, calm and collected (allow me the delusion) on the outside, on the inside I am stressing about where I will live, what school the kids will go to, what TV shows will be available to me, where is the nearest coffee shop, will I be able to find a yoga or pilates class I like, how fast is the internet, do I get free phone calls, and what car will I be driving.

This week, I was chatting with my friend, Isabella, in her fantastic store, about how well I have been going with my running.  Yes, you heard correctly.  I have started running.  I can now run for 25 minutes with no breaks.  Very impressive considering that the initial steps of running for one minute intervals nearly killed me.  My cousin pointed out that I run as fast as an english postman walks … however, I AM running.

Isabella made the comment, “Who would have thought twelve months ago that you would be running.”  The answer is absolutely no one.  In actual fact, most people are in a state of shock and my sister actually wants to see proof.  She wants to witness with her own eyes her sister running down a street as she knows that I am quite good on photoshop.

Later when I thought on Isabella’s comment I realised that if a fortune teller had have told me last summer that by this summer I would be running, and for 25 minutes at a time, that I would not have believed her.  In actual fact, I would probably have sabotaged any of the circumstances that led to me running.

Makes you stop and think, doesn’t it.  How many times do we ask for a glimpse into the future so that we can feel more secure in the step we are being asked to take?  I do all the time.  Even when I decide to place my faith in God, in my husband, or in my children, I always like some guarantee that it’s going to work out.  I rarely get a guarantee or a vision of what the future will look like.  Often it ticks me off.  Now though, with my big revelation, I’m grateful for the not knowing.

Would I have agreed to leave Australia twelve years ago if I had known that it would be for twelve years?  I don’t know.  What I do know is that if I had have said no, I would have missed out on some of the best experiences of my life.

I would have missed out on meeting dear friends and fleeting acquaintances that have all left positive and distinct marks on my life.

I would have missed out on knowing so many of the things I now know about places, people, things, and, most importantly, myself.

I would never have known how much strength I have and what I can achieve when I put my mind to it.

I would not be sitting here, typing this, on the verge of a new adventure.

Anyone who relocates, whether to a new country, a new state, or new city, knows that it is not all sunshine and roses.  It involves hard work.  In my experience, the rewards have been worth the effort and I have been blessed over and over and over.  With this in mind, I will be focusing on the next step and not worrying (overly) about the one after that.

The next step is goodbye.

This entry was posted in Going Home, Repatriating. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Not Knowing …

  1. Janine Basu says:

    Kim, I really enjoy reading your blogs. Very interesting !

  2. Ending one life chapter and beginning another really does feel like jumping into the great unknown. Good life lessons in this post, thank you. Good luck with the goodbyes

    • Laney says:

      Thanks Linda. I have one more farewell brunch to do. I much prefer them when I can go along for a chat, hug the person leaving, sign the book and not think too much.

  3. Ross says:

    First time I have read your Blog Kimmy. I really enjoyed the article as it helps me to put things in perspective, trying not to expect so much of myself. Congrats on the running, I think its marvellous as exercise is something Ive always hated but now at Seaford have started walking again along the wetlands and beach when the weather isnt too cold. Look forward to the blogs on return to Oz, I think your next adventure will be even more fun!!

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