School is back, the kids are sorted in their classes and life is back to the normal daily routines that we all know and love. Yet I feel completely unhinged at times as I find myself without routine, going from day to day as if jumping from task to task with no clear idea of what I am doing. And I keep forgetting to fill the fridge!
When I mentioned my need and deep desire for a routine to my husband, he laughed and scoffed. In his eyes I hate routine and do all in my power to create the chaos that everyone else must live in. I don’t think so. If that is the case, why am I craving, what I can only describe as, a level of sanity?
This dilemma started me thinking as I emptied the dishwasher (so my husband could fill it). My hubby once commented that I couldn’t be a working mum. It will come as no surprise that I took great offence at this statement. What is he implying? However, while bending over to pull out dishes, I realised that he is probably correct (it’s ok, he rarely reads this so unlikely to know that I ever said anything so outrageous). He wasn’t saying that I couldn’t do it or do not possess the ability. I can do it. I just choose not too.
What I believe he meant (and I feel confident in saying this without contradiction) is that I would find it challenging in the same way many working mothers find it challenging.
Since we have arrived in Denmark, I have found myself more involved and doing more than I have since I had the children. Possibly this has much to so with their ages and possibly due to opportunities. This extra busyness does impact on my ability to have a routine as I have made myself available to help out people when they need it. I have also been studying which brings with it not only course requirements but large chunks of time given over to procrastination. I have started attending a gym (many of us are still in shock over that decision) and have even joined the PTA.
My point is, I am doing more. As a consequence some things are suffering. For instance my interest in putting together a menu for the week and shopping accordingly. Doing the housework and getting the washing done (I was never keen on that). Remembering birthdays and having all the shopping done in time to be sent overseas.
As women many, if not all, of us wish to be good at the jobs we do. For those who are married and have children, those two roles take precedence in our lives. However, sometimes the details of these roles can get lost as we give ourselves to new experiences, to other people, to careers. That’s not to say that we are not great wives and mothers. We are! We just may not always feel that way.