Pentecost

The Poppies have arrived along with an early summer!

Today in church, our pastor expounded on the role that the Holy Spirit plays in our lives as believers.  Although I may have heard variations of the message before, it is always helpful to have a message reiterated.  Such was the case this morning when I was reminded that the Holy Spirit was not a gift that I received upon becoming a believer but it was the Holy Spirit who led me to God in the first place.

I have often heard church referred to as a crutch in the lives of people who have reached rock bottom and need spirituality to help them through the dark times that they face.  Pastor Ron’s words this morning helped me to define why I find this viewpoint so insulting.

It belittles my faith, and the faith of other believers, by implying that the only reason we have chosen to believe is that we had nothing else to grasp on to.  Perhaps that is what it looked like to a bystander. It is also possible that it was at this point a person felt most vulnerable and that they were finally willing to listen to the Spirit and hear His voice.

I don’t always see the work of the Spirit in my life nor have I audibly heard the voice of God.  However, I have felt His presence, have felt the whispers in my heart that have led me along paths that I would not naturally have chosen.  His presence has kept me faithful, helped me to remain calm(er) during times of stress or difficulty.  It is His presence I have seen glimpses of in the lives of friends who struggle to overcome situations that seem overwhelming from my viewpoint.  They struggle through with, oftentimes, a clumsy grace that I know is the work of God in their lives.

We all face difficulties in life and it is unfair to infer that people of faith could not cope and that is why they believe and you don’t.  I admire the courage of people who turn to God when they can’t cope.  Even as a believer, it is not the easy choice.  To step aside from your life and allow God to take control takes tremendous courage.  When He steps in, He does not give you a map to show you where you are going.  He says trust me and every morning you need to place your trust in Him again.  Even when you wonder if He remembers that He is guiding the ship, not you.

This Sunday, that is set aside to remember the day that God’s Spirit came to earth, I thank God for the gift He sent me before I knew Him. I thank Him for the work He does with me each day.  Both the works I can name and those that are still unknown to me.  I thank Him for His presence in my life.

Reinvention

Photo taken in Fuschia Havn at Egeskov Slot, Fyn

Maria Habets has written a two part article at I Am Expat on Reinventing Yourself. It is a timely article for me as I grappling with the question of my own identity and what shape it will take when we are back ‘home’.

I left Melbourne 14 years ago – the day after my wedding. We left for Sydney and a new job for my husband. Little did I know that this would be the beginning of a definite pattern in my life. However, it was not an entirely new experience as I had spent my childhood moving from state to state as my father’s career developed.

As a child, I recreated myself within the confines of the schoolyard. Although each school was different there was a security in the similarities of routine. An adult trailing spouse does not experience the same comfort.

I do not recall following a process that even vaguely resembles the suggestions Maria Habets puts forth in her article. However, I have taken the opportunity to step out and experience new things in each of the different locations I’ve lived.

Our first posting was in Singapore and I still remember this as being the hardest I have experienced. While there is a large expat community, it is not as tight as others as it is relatively easy to integrated into the community. Being young (in my mid 20′s) without children or a career, I was very lonely. So much so I began looking for a job very early on. When I did finally find one, I struggled to accept the vast difference in my salary compared to what I had been earning at home. My husband’s attempts to reassure me that it wasn’t about the money (as we could more than comfortably live off his wage) did little to improve my self esteem. So I applied for a new role – mother.

I arrived in Shanghai three months pregnant with our first child. I quickly made friends but still needed something to do while I waited for my new toy to present herself. I heard about an American potter who was giving classes close to our apartment. I had missed out on taking pottery in high school and saw this as my grand opportunity to become an expert potter. I had visions of setting up my own wheel, making beautiful bowls, plates and teapots. Unfortunately my growing belly impeded all my efforts. Plus my hands hurt and became very dry. Potting was not for me.

I arrived in the US pregnant with our son and immediately joined a baby group and watched my toddler swipe other kids drinks. When my son reached the same age, I was encouraged to try homeschooling our children. I tried it. Homeschooling is not for me. However, the research I conducted has shown me that there is more than one approach to education. This has helped me to keep an open mind. An invaluable technique when country hopping becomes a lifestyle.

Back in Singapore again but this time as a mum of two. What to do, what to do? After reestablishing some friendships, I decided to locate my inner lady of leisure and employ a live in maid. Although only a brief experience, I did enjoy it. We left for Copenhagen before I found myself looking for a new hobby to fill my time.

Copenhagen has seen some major changes in my life. With both children now at school, there was a huge need to find new ways to employ my time. Consequently I now knit, run and am taking tentative steps into the world of quilting. In the last year I have increased my involvement in the school and taken a position on the PTA. Not something I would have predicted.

Contemplating our return to Melbourne and the impact it will have on my identity has made me anxious. I am now at a point where the not knowing leads me to a place of calm. I can’t predict what shape my life will take beyond the scope of wife and mother. I could never have predicted the roles mentioned above. There are surprises in my future and I am looking forward to embracing them with the same enthusiasm that I embraced those in my past.

Our Leaving Date is Fast Approaching

Made by me on www.tagxedo.com

Every Person is a Novel …

Keukenhof Tulips

Jacqueline stands looking out across the water.  The wind whips through her short hair.  It buffets at her, tearing the sounds of the city away.  She is oblivious.  Her eyes see the gentle curve of the bridge that should be leading her away across the water.  Her eyes star beyond the line of windmills turning by force of this same wind.  Her thoughts are focused on the land beyond the bridge.

She imagines what she won’t be seeing.  Her grandson running to meet her.  She feels his arms grabbing at her neck in an enthusiastic hug.  He pulls away too soon as children do, grabs her hand, drawing her towards his toys.  Her tears are born away by on the wind unnoticed.

She stares at the beautiful bridge that she should be crossing.   The vertical columns stare at her forbiddingly, defying her access.  In their rigidity she hears her son’s voice and feels his will.  The wind whirls through and around her calming her thoughts.  It tries to push her away.  She plants her feet, standing her ground.  Her eyes remain focused on the bridge and the shoreline beyond.

The bridge.  That bridge she can not cross.  Tears are whipped away by the wind.  Her son’s words barring her access to the love of family that she craves.  The wind takes her miserable thoughts before she thinks them.  How did she get here, to this place?  Staring at a bridge, unable to cross it.

The wind dies down for a moment and she collects herself.  She turns her focus heavenward as she silently prays for the her heart’s desires to be met.  She grabs again at her faith and let’s go of her despair, her hopelessness, her fear.

Walking through the cobbled streets, she is distracted and glances past the beauty surrounding her.   She wanders through parks not seeing the avenues of stately trees and wide squares of grass.She walks by the swans swimming effortlessly on the blue of the lake.  She doesn’t see the palace guards nor the line of bustling tourists.  The gentle wind whips the sights away.

She stops to buy a postcard.  The Little Mermaid sitting on her rock.  She smiles.

Stopping at a cafe, she looks at the mermaid sitting on her rock.  She turns the card over and signs “love Gran-mère”.  “I was here little one,” she thinks to herself.  “I came to see you as promised.”  Her smile fades as she thinks of her son.  Her hearts twists with the agony at the words he spoke.  It twists for herself and for him.  At the hurt he must be feeling to speak those words.  She sighs and prays.  She offers a prayer for him.  For healing in his soul.  Prays that he will forgive her.  She prays to see her family restored.

Redefinition

Keukenhof Bell Shaped Flowers

Our decision to move back to Australia has bought with it both excitement and trepidation.  I have been yearning to go ‘home’ for several years and now that it at my doorstep it seems rather daunting.

An amusing aspect of returning home is people’s speculations on what my life will look like.  Obviously returning home will bring with it a much needed dose of reality that I am need of.  The ‘Lady of Leisure’ lifestyle that I have been enjoying will have to end as will endless coffee mornings, long lunches and the trips to the beautician.  No more girls weekends and expensive holidays three times a year.  I will have to return to the boring, humdrum lives that the rest of the world enjoys.  I will probably also have to get a job.  How else will I meet people?

Sarcasm aside, it is difficult to imagine what my life is going to look like when we go home.  My husband and I have discussed his expectations and thankfully they do not include me rushing off to find a job seconds after the wheels hit the tarmac.  His attitude is very much of ‘let’s wait and see’.  Such a wise man.

The reality is that my life will not actually change greatly from what it is now and what is has been.  Amazing that this has only just occurred to me.  I have been following my husband’s career from city to city since the day after we were married.  I have supported his desires, found work when I could and made the best out of each situation I have been placed in.  Since we have had the kids, I have made sure that they have made friends and settled comfortably into our new life.  Moving to Melbourne will be no different.

The exciting life that I have been living is very similar to the exciting life waiting for me in Melbourne.  I will arrive in a city and wait patiently for the two months it will take for my belongings to arrive.  I will find my children places in school and settle them in.  I will search for more permanent accommodation while my husband starts his new exciting job.  I will make friends where I find them.  What will be different is that I already know people in Melbourne.  Both old friends and family.

What is important for me to remember is that moving home will not redefine who I am.  It won’t.  I may grow in some areas, I may shrink in others.  I will still hate cleaning.  I will find people to have coffee with.  I will continue to absorb myself in the things that interest me.  I may even try to make some cash from a few of them.  I may not.  I will still be obsessed with the internet, with my friends I’ve left behind, with research, with cooking, with gardening, with spending money in general.

I will still be me.

Blast from the Past

Nyhavn

The horror! I have just lost a week of my life!!!  I had planned to start this post with “With only eight weeks left in Copenhagen …” and thought I had better count it out just to be sure.  It’s seven weeks left!!  We have seven weeks left before we leave Denmark and our lives as expats.  Thankfully the process is underway and my husband, in his ever efficient way, has the ball rolling.  But seven weeks!!!  I have to go resume my position on the couch and have a lie down.

In the meantime, I saw this post I wrote when I first arrived and thought it might be a bit of a giggle.  Enjoy!

HEJ FROM COPENHAGEN 24/08/09

Hej All

We arrived in Copenhagen about two months ago and are now unpacked (depends on how you interpret unpacked) and somewhat sorted into our new lives. This could be a very long email or not. I have yet to decide. Depends how creative my fingers are. It will definitely be written over a few sittings as am writing this while I wait for M to get out of the shower.

When we arrived in Copenhagen we stayed at the Ascot Apts until the 31 July when we headed to the UK for a trip to visit our family there. It was a great location and am thankful on many fronts not the least being that the strip club girls next door when on vacation not long after we arrived. They also took down much of their promotional material so avoided a long list of possible questions from the kids (although to be honest, they didn’t really notice when it was there). The hotel is situated in Vesterbro which is one of the boroughs of Copenhagen. I received the distinct impression that it was not the poshest neighbourhood. We were two blocks from the Tivoli Gardens (which are great and full of rides and restaurants – we have a season ticket) and a 5 min walk from the start of the walking street Stroget.

I hesitate to give pronunciation for many of these new words popping up in my vocabulary. “Hej” I can do. That sounds like our Hi and is used to say hi and bye. Similar to ciao. A farewell is hej hej. A greeting is hej. Stroget we have not yet mastered and even if I had I don’t think I could write down the pronunciation even with the help of a professional linguist. In any case, we generally say it as you would expect us to or call it the walking street.

Stroget is made up of three streets that are for pedestrians only and most of the shopping is centred along these. The kids and I spent much of our time wandering along here, at Tivoli or at Ostedsparken. Orstedsparken has a wonderful playground where the kids could ride trikes, play in the sand, swing, climb, run and sometimes even paint. It was fantastic.

The Danes are very well setup for children. Most families have a large pram (think old england or 1950′s anywhere I guess) which they pack up with half their belongings. These are welcome on trains, buses, everywhere. When you add to that the bikes, a train can get crowded. Thankfully there are compartments which are free of wheeled contraptions. Even better are the silent compartments where I anticipate sitting when I don’t have my usual travelling companions.

So that was our time in Copenhagen central. We are now about 20 mins from the city in a suburb called Virum. We are closer to Sorgenfri (as you will see from the map I have put in the photo pages) and it takes us 5 mins on the bike to get there. Apparently some family members are struggling with the image of me on a bike let alone an image where I am on a bike trailed by a trailer with two kids in it. Well it is true. We do not have any photographic evidence so you will have to take my word. That and the new communications that I have been receiving from areas of my body who have never experienced a need to speak to me before. I have undergone an education on new groupings of muscles in my body.

Amy and Jack started school on Wednesday and so far all is going well. They both seem to be adjusting well and making friends. Jack has a talent for asking people their names and remembering them whereas Amy is struggling to even ask.

Amy is in Mr Watkin’s class. Mr Watkin’s is from the UK and I am hoping against hope that his accent will not affect hers. I don’t know quite how you would describe it now but if we were to add an english accent to her Australian/US/Kiwi mix … urgh the horror. Jack’s teacher, Ms Gregerson is also english and seems very lovely. Jack has made two little friends whom I have names for: James (? … suddenly doubting that is it) and Mikhail who is the son of the Junior School Principal and is Finnish. He is very slight and very blonde. Jack looks very stocky next to him. The school is very friendly and helpful. They are currently organising additional assistance for Amy to help her catch up the six months she missed. As we have left the Australian system and moved into the European school year, Amy has jumped to Yr 2 after only six months in Yr 1. They anticipate that she will require assistance for the first term and should be fine after although will be reassessed in October.

What else? We think we have found a church that we will be comfortable in. It is a Lutheran Church and much more conservative than what we are used to. Having said that, it is very friendly and we feel that we will be able to fit in and make friendships easily here. We went this morning and found that it has the additional benefit of being within walking distance of a nice little American style restaurant where they do delicious milkshakes. The kids had french toast and we BLT’s … I think Marcus could easily have eaten the french toast as well. It was yum.

I am doing well too although hard to really say much as I am still waiting for my new life to begin. Jack has been on half days and will start full time this Wednesday. I have told them both that they will be able to hear my sigh of relief in Sydney it will be so heartfelt. Jack is devastated that he has to go to school full time and only gets two days off per week. Cie la vie!!  So sad. Not quite sure what I will be doing with my time but envisage a bit more housework than I am used to. That will probably be the subsequent sighs that will be heard. Hopefully not in Sydney. I will not dwell on the turn around in my fortunes except to say that my delightful son has pointed out the following in the first week of our being here: “Mum, I am out of undies” and “Mum, I have one pair of socks left”.

My social life looks set to prosper though. On our first trip into school, we met an Australian family on their way in. Rebecca then introduced me to some other Mum’s and off for coffee we went. So easy lah!! There is a Newcomers Group at the school and a PTA both of whom are having coffee mornings in the next two weeks. Add to that, I have been invited on trip to the Asian supermarket and dim sum after. I think I may have landed on my feet. The lady next door to us has just moved in and seems very friendly and chatty. She has a little boy who is 4 so is possible that I may also get to know her fairly well.

So on to the photos. A new location deserves a new face on the webpage (which is at www.laneythestar.com). I have rejigged our welcome page and it is now full of photos. To access the interesting stuff, go to Our Albums and Videos which is where you will find my latest additions. There are two albums to look at. The first is entitled Copenhagen. If you have been eagerly anticipating my every thought through Facebook, you will have seen most of these. The two new ones are “Our New House” and “Silly Signs”. Summer 2009 includes photos from our trip to the UK as well as some final shots from Singapore. Hope all goes well with the browsing. Please let me know if you experience any problems. If I have inadvertently left anyone off this mailing who would like to be included, feel free to forward on and ask me to add for next time. Hopefully it won’t be so jam packed.

Re Entry

“Many spouses have waited impatiently for the move home, dreamed of it and possibly idealised it way too much. Then, on the day you realise you finally are home, you dread taking the next step, creating a new life.” – Homeward Bound by Robin Pascoe.

Should I be concerned that I am feeling this way already and we haven’t even left Copenhagen?